That Feeling

do you know that feeling you get during a moment that you know you could've died? that's what happened to me the other night.

after i took dra. abby home, i managed to walk around in circles until i found a path that led me around the ortigas area. it was 950pm. and just so i could get a real chance of making it to the last trip of the MRT line, i had to hurry it up.

i felt my heart starting to crash as i walked up the flight of stairs going up to the shaw station. as expected there were a lot of people. i walked to the side so i could recover. after a couple of breaths, went to the exact fare lane (apparently, it was the only one left).

it could've been like any other line you take at the MRT station but there was this lady who just really bothered me. i queued like any normal person and was just minding my own business when suddenly, this middle-aged lady with glasses and very sweaty, oily skin stood beside me. i didn't mind it at first but then the people were really piling up behind her.

i didn't mind her again but as we were nearing the cashier/counter, she was moving differently now. it was strange because if i moved one step. she'd move one step. if i moved two forward, she'd move two forward. i mean, what's with that? is she really trying to displace me from my line?

that's not everything. when it was finally my turn to pay, you know what she did? you guessed it. she cut my line and placed herself first! i couldn't help it but start laughing at how irate this lady was.

                                                 oh, fear me!!!

i mean, how low can you get? but since im a genuinely nice person, i paid for my ticket and caught up with her. as i was walking past her, i said, "ui.. ingat po kayo." then i hurried off, and got on the MRT.

10 minutes later i went down on north avenue and got on a bus to go north. i figured id go for a non-aircon bus this time just so i could figure out the fare difference. i couldn't explain why but my heart really started pumping really hard again. then it became palpitation. then i couldn't breathe. when the driver started off, it eased for awhile.

we were cruising for about 5 minutes when he finally sped up. and by sped up, i mean going at least 80-100kph in the middle of EDSA. he sees a taxi, overtakes. sees a bicycle, overtakes (that made me squirm), and just when he's about to overtake a jeepney... it happens.

at the middle of the lane, going at least 80kph, we blew a tire. and at that moment, i took a very long breath and it seemed like my life flashed before my eyes. maybe not what happened in the past, but rather, what i wanted to happen in my life. it all seemed to slip away.

a couple of seconds later, the driver regained control and brake-skidded us to the side of the pavement. it was incidentally where i was supposed to get off, and so when i did, i tried my best to shrug it off.

                           "im just a little rusty." was all he could say.

i did my best to deny what happened but what really bothered me the most was the feeling i got. there was a certain inner peace or calm that happened. it's as if the breath i took was going to last forever. i can't say it was a pleasant feeling. but it was really different.

as i walked to my habitat, i recalled the feeling over and over again. i took that as yet another lease on life.

maybe it was just the hormones trying to block out the perceived forthcoming pain. but the question still remains, what was that?

how about you? have you ever felt that way before?